CHAPTER 3

Looking At My Family

In the last chapter we looked in the mirror. In this chapter we want to take a close look at our home and our family. Instead of standing in front of the mirror, think of yourself sitting in your living room looking at your home and family. We also want to take a look at another family that we being to – OUR CHURCH FAMILY.

As you look at family and your home, you need to remember that there is a difference between a house and a home. A house is a place of (large or small, in the city or in the woods). A home is the place where the family lives:

We say "HOME SWEET HOME" but we would never say "HOUSE SWEET HOUSE"! We might say, "There is no place like HOME" but we would never say, "There is no place like HOUSE!" Anyone can live in a house, but it takes some work to make a house become a home! Are you doing your part?

How many live or stay at your house? _______________

Identify them: Mother: _____________________ Father: ________________________
                                             (First name)                                       (First name)
Brothers (give first name): ___________________________________________________________

Sisters (give first name): ____________________________________________________________

Others living in your house: __________________________________________

There are some young people who have only one parent. There are different reasons for this: sometimes death, sometimes divorce sometimes desertion (a father or mother leaving the family). It is not easy to have only one parent (or no parents), but this is where God is able to help in a very special way. God is a H_______________ of the fatherless (Psalm l0:l4)! In the Bible we learn of different people who did not have both parents. Did Benjamin ever know his mother (Genesis 35:16-19)? ______ When Joseph was only ______ years old (Genesis 37:2), he was carried away from his father into Egypt (Genesis 37:28,36). Did God take care of him? _______ How often did Samuel see his parents (1 Samuel 2:19)? ____________________________________ That is not very often, is it? What does the Bible tell us about Esther’s parents (Esther 2:7)? ___________________________________________

Each member of the family is a person and yet they all must be together and live together under the same roof. We can compare this to a balancing act at the circus (on a tightrope). Each person is important and each person must stay in balance or else everyone might fall:

Each member of the family has his or her own special…

• needs (one member of the family might need to be on a special diet because of a physical problem; another member might need a lot of help with school work)
• interests (one member might like collecting stamps, another might like sports and Dad might like to fix things with his tools)
• rights (each member of the family has a right to privacy – a time when he or she can be alone by themselves; Dad has the right to decide how the family money will be spent)
• duties (sister’s duty might be to wash the dishes; brother’s duty might be to take out the trash)
• desires (one member might want to take a hike in the woods; another might want to go to the beach), etc.

Yes, every member of the family has his or her own special needs, interests, rights, duties, desires, etc. Suppose that every person in your family has 3 things that really Interest him (or her). Now multiply: 3 X ____ (number of people in your family) = _____ For example, suppose there are 5 in your family. 3 X 5 = 15 Your family has 15 things which are of interest to them! You see, each time we add another person, the number of interests, desires, duties, etc. is multiplied. The number would be multiplied even more if we were to add relatives, neighbors and all the people in your town or city!

There are also practical matters that, every family member must be concerned about. There are clothes that need to be washed and ironed. There are meals that need to be cooked and dishes that must be washed. There is shopping that must be done. There is cleaning and housework. There is money be earned and bills to be paid. There are broken things that _.need to be repaired. There is school for some and work for others. There is taking care of baby brother or sister.

The family must be in balance if the family is to go forward in a good and right way (think of the tightrope). One person off balance can make every one else topple and fall. If one believer is not right with the Lord, can this hurt the whole church? Compare 1 Corinthians 12:26. Suppose you had a bad sore throat or a bad stomach ache. Would this hurt your whole body? The same is true with Christ’s body, the church. One sick member (physically, mentally, spiritually) affects the whole body!

Remember, each family fits into the larger number of many families. Your family is only one family. But how many families are there in your church? in your town or city? in your state? in your country? in the world? If your family were to somehow disappear then there would be one less family in your church, one less family in your town or city, one less family in your church, one less family in your country, and one less family in the world. Healthy families are what makes a nation and a country strong and a good place to live. When good and healthy families become fewer end fewer, then the city and country we live in gets worse and worse and it is not a very good place to live in. Can you find any family problems described in 2 Timothy 3:1-5? __________________________________________________________________

Each member of the family counts and is very important. Who you are, what you do, and how you do it makes an important difference for good or for bad. Your family is important and your part in that family is important and has long lasting effects.

The family should give protection and strength for the children. Why is this so? Here’s the reason: When we are young we have less strength on the inside to protect us against loneliness, fears worries and other problems. Therefore, it is important for a young person to belong to a family where he or she can be protected and strengthened. Belonging is important.

The family is the place to practice how to get along with people (membership skills): how to share with others, how to take turns (everyone can’t use the bathroom at the same time), how to have a right kind of loyalty to other people, how to adjust to other people, how to adjust to their words, ideas, actions and feelings. In this way we can learn the GIVE and TAKE of sharing with each other.

Each member of the family must care about each other. The home should be a place of caring and sharing. If we truly care then it makes our good days and bad days much easier for everyone in the family. Our failures are easier to bear and our victories are better to enjoy. Love still continues (see 1 Corinthians 13:13 where the word "charity" means "love" and "abideth" means "continues")

1. fight with the brethren

2. hate the brethren

3. love the brethren

4. are jealous of the brethren

We are very close to those we live with. Closeness to each other brings comfort but it also brings conflicts. Your Mom brings comfort to you when you are sick. You have a conflict with your brother when he borrows something from your room which you did not want him to have. So also LOVE makes for hurt feelings and healed ones. We should not be surprised to find that our family life may contain plenty of tears, times when we will not speak, heated quarrels, and arguments and gloomy thoughts of revenge ("if Mom and Dad won’t let me sleep over at my friend’s house then I’m going to find some way to punish them!").

There is much that goes on within (CONTAINED on the inside of) a family member. A family member tries to figure out himself (or herself) and others children often do this while at school and the father may do this while at work. These thoughts and feelings are often contained on the inside until the family member comes home. Then it all pours out and overflows (like damned up waters!). For example, if father had a hard day at work, he may not explode at his boss at work, but he may explode at someone when he gets home! Older brother or sister may have a hard day at school. They may not explode at their teacher, but they might explode at you when they get home! Those of us who are believers have a big advantage. Why? Instead of exploding, what can we do (Psalm 62:8; 1 Peter 5:7)?

All kinds of people make up the family. MOMS and DADS are different, but this can be for the good. Differences make for a good BALANCE. If both MOM and DAD were good cooks but neither of them could fix cars, then who would prepare the cars? If both MOM and DAD could fix cars but neither of them could cook, then who would prepare the meals? It is much better if his strengths can help her weaknesses and if her strengths can help his weaknesses. If they both have the same strengths and weaknesses, then this would be a problem (OUT OF BALANCE):

You have your differences too, along with your brothers and sisters, etc. All of these differences can be of help to the family and make for a stronger family team. Differences may also lead to some strong family discussions and arguments to find out the right thing to do, the right thing to say, the right place to go, etc.

Thus the important balancing act gets more and more difficult and complicated. There are many things that are hard to see and hard to work out.

Those bad times — when I am out of balance — need to be fixed. I must remember the IMPORTANCE OF THE FAMILY and the importance of staying in balance and keeping in my position on the tightrope.

"This is me! to take me is to get the good with the bad."

So it is with each one in the family. If they can learn to up with me then I can learn to put up with them! I must forbear my family members (see Ephesians 4:2)

*FORBEAR means to wage a good warfare, to keep oneself standing up; to resist the effects of a wound; so to suffer, bear, endure as evils, sorrows; to keep oneself in good healthy order.

Persons are different but differences must be BALANCED and the bad side of me apart from the Lord needs to be replaced with and the by THE NEW (2 Corinthians 5:17). If I fail to fix things and replace the bad side of me with THE NEW, then nothing is left but DESPAIR (losing hope, a terrible feeling that nothing good can happen to me).

How can these bad things be fixed and repaired? Here are some suggestions that will help:

• Talk things over (have a family chat)

• Think things through (put on your thinking cap!)

• Pray things out (talk to God about the problems)

• Keep everything on the top of the table (don’t keep it within you and don’t let it bother you forever, but bring it out into the open so that you can see it and so that others that need to see it can see it also).

• Encourage the other members of your family to tackle the problem as a team whenever you can. The more you do this the better it will be for all the family.

• Don’t forget that you play an important role. You have an important part. A Father once said, "I don’t know how anyone learns to be an adult without children to teach him!"

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