Chapter 12

In this chapter we want to think about the people around us, whether they be FRIENDS or FOES (whether they be those we get along with or those we do not get along with).

What is a Friend?

There are two common words in the Old Testament that are used to describe a friend (just as in English we have two words: "friend" and "companion"). The first word means "someone that I love, someone that I am fond of." This word is found in 2 Chronicles 20:7 where we learn that A__________________ was God’s FRIEND. The other common word for FRIEND in the Old Testament means "someone that I delight in or take pleasure in a companion." This word is found in 2 Samuel 15:37. This verse tells us that David’s friend was named H_____________

There are also two words in the New Testament that are used to describe a friend. The first word means "someone that I love, someone that is dear to me, someone that I like and that I am fond of." This word is also used of Abraham in James 2:23: Abraham is called "the FRIEND of _________." The word is also found in John 15:14. Jesus said, "Ye are my ___________________, if ye do whatsoever I command you." This means that if a person really loves Jesus they will do what Jesus says (see John 114:15, 21, 23). The other word for FRIEND in the New Testament means "a comrade, a companion, a partner." In Matthew 26:50 Jesus used this word as He was talking to JUDAS, the man who betrayed Him: "F_______________ wherefore (why) art thou come?" For many months Judas had been one of Jesus’ companions because he was one of the twelve disciples.

The English word "FRIEND" means someone that I am attached to, someone that I love, someone that I know and like and who knows and likes me." What word would mean the OPPOSITE of friend? ________________________

Of those we call our friends, who is my friend and why? What makes a friend? What makes a real friend? A true friend is described in Proverbs 17:17.

My Parents and My Friends

Parents should help children to grow up in the right direction (Ephesians 6:14; Deuteronomy 6:4-7; Proverbs 22:6). Do all parents do this? _____ Most parents would like to do this, but not all really do as they should. We need to PRAY and ask God to help our parents to do as they should. We need to PRAY and ask God to help our friend’s parents to be what they should be and to do as they should do.

Parents have an important influence on their children. Are your friends going to be like what the parents allow them to be? (Here’s an example using a pet dog. If a family were to allow their pet dog to get up at the table and eat off the plates, would the dog do this? Do most dog owners allow this? Children are not dogs, but children often do whatever they are allowed to do. If you were allowed to stay up until midnight, would you do it? _________)

Is it important that your parents know something about the parents of the persons who you are with? _______ Parents have a big influence on their children even though it is possible that a person with good parents could choose to go the wrong way (Ezekiel 18:5-10) and it is also possible that a person with wicked parents could choose to go the right way or God’s way (Ezekiel 18:10-17). Your parents should know something about the parents of your friends. This goes the other way also. The parents of my friends may want to know my parents.

Trouble and Troublemakers

Ground Rules

Ground rules are needed to protect me and to protect others with me. God’s ground rules for togetherness protect God’s holy character and His love for us (HIS GRACE, HIS GOODNESS AND HIS GLORY). For example, Jesus let Peter know what the ground rules are. See John 13:8. The rule was this: "Peter, I cannot have togetherness (partnership, fellowship) with you unless you let me wash you. If you want to have togetherness with Me, then I must wash you." Sin in the believer’s life keeps him (or her) from having that togetherness with God until the sin is washed away. In Bible times people would walk the dusty roads with nothing but sandals on their feet. When they finally arrived at a home their feet would be quite dirty, and usually a servant would wash their feet. In John chapter 13 Jesus was telling his disciples that when a believer walks in this world he sometimes falls into sin (1 John 1:8,10). It is as if his feet get dirty! God has made a way for the believer to get clean: THE BELIEVER MUST CONFESS THE SIN AND GOD CLEANSES HIM (1 John 1:9). In this way the believer is able to have TOGETHERNESS and FELLOWSHIP with God. But God’s rule is this: IF YOU WANT TO HAVE TOGETHERNESS WITH ME THEN I MUST WASH YOU FROM YOUR DAILY SINS.

Do you see the place and the need for rules that are right? These rules make a person healthy and happy and even better able to enjoy God’s Joy. See John 15:10-11 (verse 10 mentions the RULES and verse 11 mentions the JOY).

Did God Make a Mistake When He Made Me?

At the end of Genesis 1:27 the Bible says, "M___________ and F________________ created He them." When God created man He made them male and female. REMEMBER, you are what God has made you--a BOY (male) or a GIRL (female). God has not made a mistake. God has an ORDER which He is concerned about (see 1 Corinthians 11:3):

God has made me to fit in to HIS ORDER and to take my proper place in submission and obedience to HIM. I need to be THANKFUL for the way God made me. I also need to be rightly THOUGHTFUL about this (to think about it in a right and healthy way). If I have questions or problems I should talk to my parents or to my doctor or to my pastor. Good and right information helps to take the LOAD or WEIGHT off of my shoulders:

Learning From Friends

Friends can help me to understand about many things that are different in people (what they do, how they do certain things, foods they eat and don’t eat, fears they have and don’t have, etc.

Remember that the pull to be like those around you should be GOVERNED and GUIDED by right and wrong, good and bad, by God and His Word. Therefore it is often necessary to be UNLIKE them, especially if they are unsaved, FOR GOD’S GLORY and FOR THEIR GOOD and EVEN FOR YOUR GOOD. According to 3 John 11 what are we to follow and imitate? ______________________________________________ What are we not to follow and copy (3 John 11)? ____________________________

Have you felt that PULL yet? Have you felt that PULL to be like those around you and to copy them? What should you do NOW to stay away from forming bad habits that will harm and hurt you?

Sometimes young people will say something like this: "Everyone else does such and such." "Everyone else says such and such." When a person says this, remember that "everyone else" does not really mean "EVERYONE ELSE." Everyone does not do or say these things.

Also, you are not "EVERYONE"--you are SOMEONE whom God made and gave by your parents. You are SOMEONE whom God loves and died for and lives for.

To stand for the right even as if you were ALONE is the right thing to do. YOU WILL BE STRONGER AND BETTER FOR IT, and you will have better thoughts about yourself and others. It is better to do right by yourself than to follow many others in doing wrong. The Bible says, "THOU SHALT NOT FOLLOW A _______________________ to do evil" (Exodus 23:2).

Getting Right With God and With Others

Remember, a person needs to get right with himself and with God before he (or she) can be able to get along with others. Sometimes a group of young people that are around us need to get right with God and with themselves. You will have to WAIT until they do.

Remember that having many friends or having POPULARITY is not the KEY to growing up and being a successful adult. Success as a person has very little, if any, relationship to being popular. Where does POPULARITY fit into your thinking? How important is it to you that everyone likes you? Did everyone like the Lord Jesus Christ?

Remember, we want to be healthy, friendly, and concerned (full of energy in the right way about others). We want to be helpful and not up tight. Where does God’s Word fit into this? Was the Apostle Paul concerned about the people that were around him even though he knew they were wrong (Acts 17:15-17,22-23)?

Some persons are comfortable in being alone or staying by themselves, but they should work at caring about others. Others should work at caring about them.

Remember, you can become very upset and troubled in a bad way when it comes to making and keeping friends. Young people (and older people too) can change like the weather (one day hot, the next day cold, one day your friend, the next day your enemy). So WAIT ON THE LORD. Is my heart right? Don’t WORRY. Wait on the Lord and pray for them.

Remember, God can help you to do right and be right and so to work at caring for others and learning to talk with others and do things with others in the right way.

Remember to learn and practice GOOD MANNERS. GOOD MANNERS are the right ways of doing things or saying things; acting or behaving in a right kind of way, in a polite way. For example, there is a right and polite way of eating a meal.

Remember to play games and sports in the right way. BE FAIR and be a GOOD SPORT whether you win or lose (whether you strike out or hit a home run). Be concerned for the one who is not able to do as well as some of the others. Don’t make fun of anyone. Keep in mind that each person has areas in life in which others can do better. The person who cannot play baseball as well as you might be able to spell and read much better than you!

Don’t cause fights but also don’t be afraid. Don’t be a bully and don’t let a bully bully you! Remember, it takes two to fight. DON’T ADD WOOD TO THE FIRE. When we add wood to the fire we keep the fire going. If we don’t add any more wood then the flames will die out. When two people are angry towards each other they are like a raging fire. Unkind words and actions will only add wood to the fire and may lead to a bad fight or some other kind of trouble. Be learning SELF CONTROL (the Bible calls this TEMPERANCE--Galatians 5:22-23; 1 Corinthians 9:25; Matthew 5:9).

WHO CAN AND WILL HELP YOU WITH THE PERSONS AROUND YOU? WHY? See John 15:12-17 and Romans 8:15-17.

CHAPTER 12