The following guidelines are given so that you might discover God’s wonderful method for determining your partner for life. God makes no mistakes! Blessed is the man or woman who entrusts the future into His hands!
1) REALIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF THE DECISION. The choice of a marriage partner is the second most important decision in life. What do you suppose is the most important decision in life (John 3:18 and compare Matthew 27:22)? __________________________________________________________ When you were saved you entered into a personal, eternal relationship with the Son of God! When you are married you enter into a personal, lifelong relationship with another person. This is certainly not something to rush into without much prayer and careful thought.
2) REALIZE THE PERMANENCE OF THE DECISION. When you came to Christ and believed on Him, this was a permanent decision. A person does not decide to become a believer one day and then three weeks later changes his mind and decides to become an unbeliever. Though there are some people who only believe for a while ("for a time") and then fall away from the faith (Luke 8:13; Hebrews 3:12), the true believer will continue in the faith. As the familiar chorus says, "I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back." Likewise, once two people are married, they cannot turn back! The husband cannot say, "I’ve made a terrible mistake! I’ve married the wrong person! I need to get ‘unmarried’ and find someone else!" Even if a mistake were made, it’s too late to abort the marriage! Thankfully, God’s grace can override man’s mistakes. We must never forget that marriage is a permanent, lifelong commitment. Though divorce is commonly practiced in our day, divorce is no option for the child of God (1 Corinthians 7:10-11), for God hates it (Malachi 2:16–"putting away" =divorce). The choice of a marriage partner is important! You may live with your choice for 50 years or more! How important that we look to God and ask Him to direct us to the right person in His time.
3) REJOICE THAT GOD SAVED YOU EARLY IN LIFE. Being saved and single, you have every opportunity to have a Christian marriage and a Christian home–if this is what you really want. Many who are saved later in life must experience the difficulties and trials that come from having an unsaved partner, though God’s grace is certainly sufficient for every situation. Those who are saved early in life have the advantage of building a marriage on a solid foundation right from the start.
4) DON’T EVEN CONSIDER AN UNEQUAL YOKE. God’s command is clear: "Be ye not ____________________________________________ together with ___________________" (2 Corinthians 6:14). In the examples below, circle the ones which would be an unequal yoke:
an ox and an ox
an ox and a donkey
a donkey and a dog
a saved husband and an unsaved wife
a saved husband and a saved wife
an unsaved husband and an unsaved wife
an unsaved husband and a saved wife
In the above examples, underline the one combination that you desire for your marriage.
According to 1 Corinthians 7:39, a wife whose husband has died is free to marry, but she must marry someone who is "IN ______ __________ (and only saved people are "IN CHRIST").
Some try to justify marriage to an unbeliever by saying, "Once we are married, I
am going to witness to my partner, bring him/her to church and win him/her to the
Lord!" According to Deuteronomy 7:1-4, will the saved partner convert the unsaved
partner or will the unsaved partner convert the saved partner? _________________________________________________________________________________
URGENT QUESTIONS FOR
ANY PERSON WHO CLAIMS TO BE SAVED: How can you love someone who does not love Christ? How
can a child of God peacefully cohabit with a child of the devil? What fellowship does
light have with darkness (2 Cor. 6:14-16)? How can a divided house stand (compare Matthew
12:25)?
5) LOOK FOR MORE THAN A MERE PROFESSION. Just because a person says he is a Christian (professes to be saved) does not prove that he really is. Look for someone who not only says he’s a Christian but who shows he’s a Christian. If someone claims to be an apple tree, then let him show some apples (Matthew 7:16-20)!
Look for a healthy believer. Look for a growing believer. Beware of someone who has only been saved a short while, even if they really seem to be growing (Luke 8:13). Let some time pass by. Look for someone who is steady and stable. Look for someone who loves the Lord and loves the Bible and loves the church and loves the brethren. Look to yourself that these things are true of you!
Thought question: If a husband and wife are both Christians, does this guarantee that they will have a Christian marriage (see Ephesians 5:21-33)? _______ Do believers always act and live like believers should? _____
6) LOOK FOR A BEAUTIFUL PERSON! Make sure that the person you marry is BEAUTIFUL--on the inside. Inner beauty is something of great value. Look for it in others; cultivate it in yourself. The beauty of the Lord should shine forth from the believer.
Outer beauty is not the real issue. If you marry a person only on the basis of "good looks," you will be in for a great disappointment. What will you do 30 years later when your partner approaches old age with wrinkles and and added pounds and who knows what else? And what will be true of your partner will also be true of you! You will change with age also. Or, what if your partner were to be burned on the face and scarred for life? Did you marry a face or did you marry a person? Did you fall in love with a face or did you love the person who belongs to the face? Look for that beauty that is more than skin deep.
7) DO NOT CHOOSE A LIFE PARTNER. Let God make the choice. God gives the very best to those who leave the choice with Him. Only God knows which two people are best suited for each other. Only God knows what a person will be like 10, 20 or 30 years from now.
8) DON’T MAKE HASTE; BE WILLING TO WAIT. A few years of patient waiting for God’s best is little compared to the many years of married life (it is not uncommon for a couple to be married 30 or 40 or 50 years or more). If a few added years can make a person better prepared for marriage, then it is certainly worth it.
Don’t be pressured by what other people think or say. If many of your friends are getting married, be content to wait on the Lord. Many have waited until they were a quarter of a century old or older to get married, and they were glad for it. Remember Isaac (Genesis 25:20)!!
A person can rush into marriage, but he cannot rush out of it!
9) KEEP YOURSELF CLEAN (1 Timothy 5:22). Traditionally the bride is dressed in a beautiful WHITE gown--a perfect symbol of purity, moral cleanness and virginity. How is the Lamb’s bride dressed in Revelation 19:7-8? ____________________________________________________ Compare Ephesians 5:27. The years prior to marriage should be kept morally clean and pure (stay on the path of sexual purity!.--see Chapter 6), lest the wedding gown should show forth a lie. Being a virgin was something that was very important in Bible times (Genesis 24:16; Luke 1:27; 2:36). God sees this as very important today. DO YOU?
A word should here be shared about the terrible problem of venereal disease:
"The surest way to avoid venereal disease is through abstinence. It is impossible to contract V.D. other than through sexual intercourse, despite old wives’ tales about getting it from public toilets or drinking utensils.
Chastity before marriage and fidelity during marriage are as foolproof as abstinence, providing both spouses are faithful. The microorganisms that cause venereal disease require fresh new ‘hosts’ at frequent intervals or they die out. This is why promiscuity or even casual sexual relations with more than one partner are the major means by which gonorrhea and syphilis and the other ‘minor’ V.D.s are spread."
(Sex Without Fear, Fourth Revised Edition, 1974, authored by S.A. Lewin, M.D. and John Gilmore, PH.D. and published by the Medical Research Press, pages 125-126)
This is but one more reason why it is important to stay pure and clean! Do some reading and study about venereal diseases and other diseases that are spread by immoral sex and promiscuity. WARNING: You do not want to contract these diseases! Sin does not pay!
10) DON’T WORRY BUT WORRY. In 1 Corinthians 7:32 the Apostle Paul writes to unmarried men and says, "I want you to be WITHOUT CAREFULNESS (without worry, don’t be full of care and anxiety, be careful or anxious for nothing--Philippians 4:6; don’t worry about anything)." There is often a tendency for unmarried people to begin to worry: "Where shall I ever find a wife?" "I’m fast becoming an old maid!" "When is God going to send the right person my way?" "Here I am 23 years old and not a wife in sight-- not even any good prospects!" "I’ve been waiting for years and I’m not one step closer to marriage than I was 5 years ago." ETC.
God was in essence saying through Paul, "You should not worry about any of these things. There is only one thing that an unmarried person should worry about. He that is unmarried CARETH (is concerned, is worried in a good and healthy way) for the things of the Lord, how he may PLEASE the Lord" (l Corinthians 7:32).
This is God’s answer to the dilemma facing so many unmarried people. DON’T CONCENTRATE ON FINDING A MATE. Concentrate on pleasing your Lord and Saviour! Don’t worry about the future (Matthew 6:34) but what should you do instead (Matthew 6:33)? ___________________________________________________________ What promise does God give in Matthew 6:33? ______________________________________________________________________
11) SEEK TO BE A GEM. Consider Proverbs 31:10 which describes a godly woman: "Who can find a ________________________ woman? for her price is far above ______________________." Why are rubies so precious and valuable? If people could go outside and find several rubies whenever they felt like looking for them, would they be very precious? ______ Why are godly women precious like rubies? _____________________________________________________ Are godly men plentiful or are they rare and difficult to find (Psalm 12:1)? __________________________________________________________
Because rubies are so rare and precious, they are in great demand! They are desired by many and possessed by few. Most unmarried people spend their time and energy trying to find a gem when they should spend their time and energy seeking to BE A GEM!!
Thus the best advice to the unmarried person is this: If you want to find a godly woman/man (A REAL GEM!), do not concentrate on trying to find this godly woman/man, but concentrate rather on BEING a godly man/woman so that you will be WORTHY of such a GEM, should the Lord bring one to you! Remember, precious gems are highly valued and greatly sought after!
12) DELIGHT YOURSELF IN THE LORD. If you really want God’s best and if you are willing to wait for it, then you will have it! How do we know? God says so:
"...no ______________ thing will He
________________________ from them that walk
________________________ "(Psalm 84:11)
If you are not happy with Christ alone, then you will never be happy with someone else together. God will honor those who honor Him (1 Samuel 2:30). The God who designed and instituted marriage certainly wants you to enter into its joys and blessings.
The Bible also speaks of a single alternative (see 1 Corinthians 7:32-38; Matthew 19:12-"for the kingdom of heaven’s sake"). Some have been able to devote their lives to serving and pleasing the Lord without the "distraction" (1 Cor. 7:35) and responsibility that comes with having a family. Singleness, however, is the exception and not the rule. God’s rule is found in Genesis 2:18 (and compare Proverbs 18:22)!
Marriage is an ancient institution. It is as ancient, in fact, as man himself. Established by God on the same day in which He created man, marriage remains to this day the only God-ordained relationship in which a man and woman may dwell together.
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The prayer of those who have given you these notes is that you might have that personal and real relationship with the living God, and that He would then give you His success and His joy as you share in all of life’s relationships! It is only as we are right with Him that we can begin to be right with ourselves and with those we live with and with those we love.
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