CHAPTER 1

HOW DO I SEE MYSELF AND OTHERS?

What kind of self-image do I have? What do I think of’ myself? Do I accept myself just as I am, or would I like to be more like someone else ("I wish I were as good-looking as him/her."  "I wish I had a body like his/hers."  "I wish I had his/her abilities.")?  Do I hate the way I look? Do I wish I could change the way I look? Do I blame God or my parents for the way I am?

I MUST TAKE A GOOD, HONEST, REALISTIC LOOK AT MYSELF (be it ever so painful!):

Here is a list of what seem to be physical shortcomings that might affect us in the ways we accept ourselves and the God who made us (circle some that pertain to you):

If you are to see yourself in the right way and have a healthy self-image of yourself, then there are at least six important facts which you must keep in mind:

FACT NUMBER 1--YOU MUST NOT SEE THINGS FROM THE WORLD’S POINT OF VIEW.

The world we live in is all caught up in beauty and outward appearance. Prime importance is placed on how a person looks. "Beauty" and "body" are all important. Those who are physically attractive often seem to be more popular, more successful and even happier. Explain and discuss how the emphasis is placed upon looks/body/clothes in each of the following: 1) television 2) advertising 3) the fashion industry 4) beauty contests 5) magazines 6) ________________

Is the world correct in its thinking? Is outward appearance really all important? Is there something more important about a person than just looks/body/clothes? In Ephesians 4:18 we learn that the Gentiles (those who are outside of Christ--Eph. 2:12) have their understanding _____________________, and they are ignorant and do not see things correctly because of the _____________________ of their heart. When it comes to seeing what is really important in a person, the world is totally blind and without understanding. As Christian believers we must not get all caught up in putting the wrong values on outward appearance, in fact, it is a sin to do this. God says, "Be not ______________________ to this world, but be ye _____________________________  (an inward change and transformation) by the renewing of your mind" (ROMANS 12:2). We must not think as the world thinks. We must not see things as the world does. We must not let the world mold us and force us to accept its distorted values.

Consider Proverbs 31:30: "Favour (this word means "charm" or "gracefulness" and it has to do with the form and outer appearance of a woman) is deceitful and __________________ is vain, but a woman that feareth the _____________, she shall be praised." The world looks at a woman’s charm and beauty; God looks at a woman’s inner beauty. We must begin to learn to see people as God does, not as the world does.

FACT NUMBER 2--WHEN GOD MADE YOU, HE DID NOT MAKE A MISTAKE.

Did you ever wish you could change the way you look and give yourself a different color and texture of hair, or a different face or a different body? Did you ever wish you could see a plastic surgeon and allow him to reshape and remake you into a new person?   [Note: even if he could make some outer changes, you would be the same person underneath!]  Why are you the way you are? Are you an accident of nature? Are you the product of a freak genetic mutation? Are you the ugly descendant of some ape-like creature? No, the Bible says in John 1:3 that "ALL things were ___________________ by Him (Christ)."  Does that include you? ______

Thus, you have been made and created by ALL-WISE, ALL-KNOWING, LOVING, PERFECT GOD who does all things well, and who has never made even one mistake in all of eternity! One of the things that this wonderful God did was to make YOU! Read Psalm 139:13-15 to see what David said about this Creator-God. In verse 14 David said, "I will ________________ (this word means "praise" or "THANK") Thee; for I am ______________________ and ____________________________made: marvellous are thy works, and that my soul knoweth right well."

Are you able to say what David said? Do you see yourself as one who is WONDERFULLY MADE? Have you THANKED God for the way He has made you or are you unhappy about the body that God has given to you? Can you think of others who are physically more handicapped than you (no legs, no arms, blind, deaf, dumb, paralyzed, etc.)? Are they important people just as much as you are or are they inferior people because they lack outward beauty and a sound body? Why does God allow such things, and who is to blame (consider John 9:1-3)?

FACT NUMBER 3--THERE IS SOMETHING FAR MORE IMPORTANT THAN OUTWARD APPEARANCE.

What is the difference between the way man looks at people, and the way God looks at people (1 Samuel 16:7)? ___________________________________________________________________________ Read 1 Peter 3:3-4, a passage that shows how a woman can have TRUE BEAUTY! Which verse describes the outward appearance? _________ Which verse describes the inner person which ought to radiate true beauty? _________  Consider Miss America, Mr. Universe or the most beautiful/handsome person you know. What is true about this person’s body and outward appearance (Check those statements that are true)?

Consider an Egyptian mummy. The Egyptian man or woman who was embalmed or mummified may have been very handsome or beautiful at one time. Would you like to open the mummy and examine the outward appearance thousands of years after the person has died? You may consider yourself ugly, but you are certainly not that ugly! In light of these facts, is there something more important than outward appearance?

FACT NUMBER 4--YOU MUST CONCENTRATE ON WHAT YOU CAN CHANGE, NOT ON WHAT YOU CANNOT CHANGE.

Every person has inherited certain physical traits from his parents, and for the most part, these things cannot be changed. This would include such things as a person’s height, color of eyes, size of nose, texture of hair, etc. Man is limited in his ability to change the basic aspects of his physical body. There are some aspects of our physical frame which can be changed to a certain degree. For example, through proper diet and discipline, a person can change the size of his waistline. Or, through a body-building program of exercise a person can increase the size of certain muscles. In general, however, there is a real limitation as far as physical change is concerned. To a large measure, our physical body and appearance has been genetically determined by the wisdom and providence of our loving Creator.

Though there is much about our body we cannot change, IT IS POSSIBLE TO CHANGE THE KIND OF PERSON WE ARE! With God’s help, man is able to change and develop his inward personality and character. You may be GRUMPY, UNKIND, UNTHANKFUL, DISRESPECTFUL, UNLOVING, BITTER, ANGRY, LUSTFUL, GREEDY, JEALOUS, CRITICAL, SELFISH, PROUD or many other things, but you do not have to be like this forever!  These are all traits which you inherited from Father Adam , but God has provided salvation through Christ and even the POWER TO CHANGE (2 Cor.5:17). It is the inner ugliness that we should worry about, not the outer ugliness. How beautiful is your INNER MAN? You may not be able to change the color of your eyes, but you can surely change what you allow your eyes to see. You may not be able to change the size or shape of your mouth, but you can surely change what you allow to come out of your mouth!

God says to every Christian: "BE YE T__________________________" (Rom. 12:2)

FACT NUMBER 5--GOD WANTS YOU TO HAVE A HEALTHY COUNTENANCE.

Let’s define "COUNTENANCE":

"Countenance is the expression of the face which reveals the inner condition of the heart"

What takes place on the inside of a person often shows on the face. If you do not believe this, next time you get angry, go look in the mirror! Or, the next time you notice someone else becoming angry, see if their countenance changes visibly.

What is the secret of having a cheery and happy face (Proverbs 15:13)? ___________________________________ Should we concentrate on fixing the outside or the inside (compare Proverbs 25:20)? ________________________ A healthy heart which is right with the Lord will naturally and normally produce a healthy countenance (see Psalm 42:11; 43:5).

Consider two identical twins who both have the same physical appearance. Suppose one is depressed and discouraged and downhearted (just received a bad report card--4 C’s and 2 D’s) and the other is filled with joy and gladness (just received a good report card--straight A’s). Would you be able to notice a difference in the outer appearance of these two people? ________ Do you see how the condition of the heart (the inner man) will be reflected in the person’s countenance and outer appearance? Therefore, changing the inner man will even help to change the outer man! Changing the inner man will do far more than wigs, make-up, plastic surgery, or anything else people may try! Trying to change the outer will not help the inner. Changing the inner will certainly help to change the outer!

FACT NUMBER 6--YOU ARE A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON TO GOD.

Would a person sacrifice his most valuable possessions for the sake of another person if he did not consider the person important? _______ Would a man go to war, leaving his family behind and being willing to sacrifice his very life, if he did not believe that his country and freedom were important? _____Therefore, how does John 3:16 prove that God considers you very important ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Are you of value to God (compare Matthew 10:31)? _______ HOW IMPORTANT IS GOD TO YOU? HOW MUCH VALUE DO YOU PLACE ON HIM AND HIS WORD? God has accepted you and wants to do great things in you. Have you accepted yourself?

Acknowledgements:  Some of the material in this chapter, including the illustration at the beginning, was adapted from Discussion Manual for Student Relationships (Volume 1) by Dawson McAllister and Dan Webster (Moody Press).

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